So if you are single and dating in this current day and age you already know my struggle. And I use the term “dating” loosely because at 32 I still really don’t know the rules; nor is that one of my greatest skill sets. I recently dated, well I thought I was dating, a gentleman and in my head, everything was going well; until the inconsistencies. RED FLAG! I’m not going to air the dirty laundry, Kelly Rowland did that already. Long story short I was informed that he had ” been struggling with liking me and getting to know someone else”. Right! Whatever that means, can we say eviction notice! Pretty much friend-zoned! Guess the other guy had something I didn’t. But he was and still is a great guy, obviously not the one for me. However, this really caught me off guard.
When I get to know someone and I let them into my personal space my intention is always longevity. Therefore, I only date one person at a time. Its hard enough keeping up with drinking the right amount of water, exercising, going to work, school and the countless other adulting responsibilities. I took this news kind of hard. Not sure if it was because he felt he had gotten to know me enough, to know he was no longer interested in me in a romantic sense; or the fact that I just went through a similar situation and found myself back at ground zero. Not to mention whenever someone leaves you for someone else, it’s a major ego killer. Mind you I’m stuck because I actually really like him. So what do I do with my feelings now? The Capricorn method is to cut the head and the tail of the snake and keep it moving. I fled to the arms of my friends who all gave me their versions of; “I can’t believe he did that, If I where you I would slit his tires, Well you know no one dates just one person anymore” etc etc.None of which helped my feelings, but that’s what friends are supposed to do. Have your back and build you back up and depending on the situation slash some tires if you need it.
However, this all just left me confused. I went through countless hours replaying what I did wrong, why doesn’t he like me, blah and BLAH! Finally, I received the message! Or shall I say the lesson! My destiny isn’t tied to this dude! The fact that he could just walk away from five months of getting to know me just because he wanted to get to know someone else confirms that. Doesn’t mean he is a bad person, this chapter was done plain and simple. Honestly, I was ready to call it quits on dating and settle into my “confirmed bachelorhood”. Unlike Auntie Maxine Waters, I couldn’t reclaim my time, but I redeclared my focus and vowed to never date again!
Yea I know that isn’t the answer either but whats a guy to do? The dating culture now days is a toss up between countless superficial hookup apps and well hookups. I mean, there was a time in my life where I was here for the shit. But approaching my 33rd birthday, I desired something more. But the days of the helpless romantic are long gone, which sucks because I took the lead from my parents who still believe in true love. The good wholesome guy that doesn’t fuck 4 people in a week won’t survive the dating pool but so much longer. So do I start thotting or nah? One of my close friends advised me to stop living in a fantasy world this ain’t the 50’s and 60’s just enjoy my life stop looking for a relationship. Well, I wasn’t looking, I enjoy my life tremendously, and I didn’t know relationships where fully extinct! I missed the memo! I mean they are still a thing right? I didn’t know expecting or wanting a monogamous relationship was a grand illusion.
Granted the scales are tilted being SGL (Same Gender Loving), and the longevity of good healthy strong monogamous relationships are sparse, but they do exist! It is possible! Bitch don’t kill my vibe! Honestly, there is a shift in the dating culture, and not just for SGL! The heteronormative side has just as much of a struggle. I don’t give up so I cant give up on dating, but I will proceed with caution. Still not sure..well scratch that, I cant date more than one person at a time. I mean how can you get to know more than one person at the same damn time? If you are honestly trying to test out if this person would have longevity in your life. How can you really tell if you spent the first 6 months to a year dating, having sex, opening up, etc to more than one person at a time? Needless to say, I don’t have the answers and life didn’t come with instructions. But I learned my lesson.
1.) Clear communication from the jump; What is the goal do you really want me or just wanna have fun?
2.Next time I’m asking questions; you dating anybody else? Are you fucking somebody else? Am I wasting my time by taking you seriously?
3.) Pull back, don’t open up too soon and keep your eyes open for red flags that way you can bail before your feelings get too deep.