Scared of Lonely

” I’m in this fight and I’m swinging and my arms are getting tired. Trying to beat this emptiness but I’m running out of time. I’m sinking in the sand and I can barely stand….”

As a single black SGL (same gender loving) male in the hookup culture, I’m aware that this is a reoccurring theme.  Busy surrounding ourselves with things and stuff dodging the mirror that being alone forces us to face.  How can you be lonely with so many options;  jackd, grinder, tinder, scruff, a4a, etc?. Ok, so my only problem with those apps…Everybody is superficial, everybody has a grandiose view of themselves, and most people are only looking for sex. FACTS! The days of our parents (mine in their 60’s); staying together for decades through the thick and thin are sadly GONE. How many times has someone told you “you gotta love yourself first”? I can say having been single the past couple years (minus a few situation-ships); I’ve learned to love myself. I even have moments when I am ok with being alone. I have found and validated my own value, I faced my demons and won the battle for my own heart. Now I have to reveal those layers to someone else, trust that they accept it, and then reciprocate.  Nobody is going to love you like you love you. NEWS FLASH! Ok! So that part you should already know by now.  But what  REALLY scares me is lonely feels like FOREVER. Even after working on myself, I still find it hard to trust someone else enough to allow them to love me. Something I was not aware was even possible.

                     So what do you do with your lonely self? No, I’m asking you! If I had the answer darling I wouldn’t be pouring my heart out at 4:00 am prompted to write because, well I’m lonely. Like many of us in the community, we surround ourselves with STUFF and other people, and other peoples STUFF. UGH! The cycle that never ends! I won’t be cliche and tell you ” time alone is good for you(it is), use that time to work on yourself(please do). It does not fill the void of wanting to spend special moments with someone, the moments you cant spend with friends, the moments you cant spend with family. THOSE are the moments when LONELY peeks through the curtain. I mean its good for initial momentum right? But then once that wears off and you have drowned yourself in being independent and standing alone, whats next? REPEAT!(no seriously) The best advice I can give you is to not get stuck in the loop! Easier said than done! But its the fact of many circumstances. The change will come, adjustments have to be made and you have to play with the cards this society had delt. If you are in the “independent I don’t need anybody phase” then keep it up. Try not to allow yourself to become cold hearted and lose sight of love. The last thing we need is to add any more lovelessness to the list of problems in society. Its enough of that going around. Love is supposed to be given away freely! It’s not to be bound by the feelings of  FEAR or held captive by trust issues. The only way to learn is to share it and share it freely. Love is too precious to keep bottled up! Give it away!  Life is built with ups and downs that’s just a matter of facts. Nobody said it would be easy but you haven’t come this far for nothing! I hope to leave you with optimism and insight that this too shall pass. Signed Rahn Scared of Lonely.

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