Self Validated

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mahershala.jpgI stumped my own growth! It wasn’t intentional! I searched for validation from outside sources. I wanted so desperately to know that  SOMEONE believed in me! It was those moments when I felt like no one cared. When it was just me and my dreams, no support, no pat on the back and no motivation from outside sources.  I had to learn to SELF VALIDATE! Breaking News flash, no one is obligated to VALIDATE you or your dreams. If you wait for someone to fill your cup, you will be waiting, cup half empty.  Growing up I suffered tremendously from the lack of self-esteem. I grew up in a world where being classified as gay was a shameful thing.  The African American community did a GREAT job of DEMONIZING me.  I was “light on my feet” so my peers would call me queer, fag, and every other derogatory name associated with that lifestyle.  I was not into the same things most “NORMAL” boys my age were interested in.  I mean most of us that grew up as Gods Anointed Youth (G.A.Y.) have experienced this in some way shape or form.  Not to mention I came from a lineage of pastors and church clergy so I grew up HIDING, and shameful of a part of me I couldn’t change. Capture To me, in my eyes, I was just being MYSELF. I tried to pray it away, and I tried to ACT NORMAL.  Years later I continued that cycle of thinking when I went to college. I chose a field that seemed “normal”. I made decisions in my life based on not wanting to be labeled GAY! What I came to realize is this GIFT was given to me! 7689e671581c5eedf851e23bf9dfb7afIt is and was the very thing that has brought me closer to finding the GOD in me. Now as time goes on I realize the lifestyle that was advertised with this “gift” also wasn’t for me.  I had to distance myself and be SET APART from what was advertised as “GAY LIFESTYLE” and define what that meant for myself. But that’s a whole nother story I will share later. As I continue on this journey of discovery I realize more and more the importance of SELF VALIDATION. I wake up in morning and remind myself that I am the RIGHTEOUSNESS of GOD and I refuse to let go. I acknowledge the HIGHER POWER that I am APART of and realize that I am the GOD of everything ELSE in my LIFE. That means my THOUGHTS, my FEELINGS, whom I ALLOW in my life, how I ALLOW others to treat me and WHAT NAMES I answer to. That also means that I ENCOURAGE myself! That means that if NO ONE  stands with me, I can and WILL stand ALONE! You have to come to that point in your life where the KUDOS are welcomed but NOT NEEDED. Where the ACCOLADES are acknowledged but not RELIED on. My Aunt whispered in my ear one day ( she knew my gift) and said ” BABY be yourself no matter what! And don t let ANYBODY tell you that you aren’t CAPABLE of accomplishing ANYTHING you put your mind to.” Validate self, FILL YOUR OWN CUP move forth and do great things.

 

“Sometimes you have to encourage yourself
Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test
And no matter how you feel speak the word and you will be healed”

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